Sometimes good things happen to good people.  Sometimes bad things happen to bad people.  But sometimes, such undeserved, misery-inducing tortures are showered upon the heads of the blameless that one’s pen (or should I say, laptop) balks at the writing.

Such was the case of the most beauteous but most unfortunate Samantha, who was off to the dentist to be drilled and filled.

Samantha’s dentist worked in Stonybrook.  Why drive to such a faraway land for such a simple procedure?  Well, the sad truth is that Samantha’s former dentist had drawn an animal snout on his surgical mask.


Unable to cope with this terror, Samantha was compelled to flee to the more humane, but more remote, Dr. Fleischman.

9:25- Samantha leaves the house for her 10:45 appointment.  There is plenty of time to get there.  It seems to be a lovely day– the sun is shining and the birds are singing.  She turns on her friend’s Beach Boys CD (they had exchanged CD cases for the month) and begins to sing along.
9:28- The sun is shining a bit too strong, though, and Samantha’s air conditioner is broken due to unfortunate circumstances out of her control.  Undaunted, our heroine rolls down her windows and continues on her merry way.
10:20- Samantha cannot seem to find Elyssian Fields Road, upon which (according to Mapquest) she is to make a left and drive for 2.3 miles.   Did she miss it somehow?  Or is it somewhere up ahead?  The terrain is utterly unfamiliar to her eyes.  What to do?  Turn around, or stay on Jericho Turnpike?
To make a U-turn, or not to make a U-turn, that is the question.
Our heroine is further befuddled by the heat of the sun, which is exerting its increasingly unpleasant influence on the unshaded car below.
10:25- Our heroine decides to stay the course, in the hopes that fortune will smile upon her and she will soon find Elyssian Fields Road.
10:26- Our heroine decides to call her father and ask for directions.  She calls home, but he does not pick up.  She calls his cell phone, but he does not pick up.
10:29- Our heroine calls her mother.  Guess who else does not pick up.
10:45- Samantha, stranded and certain that she has been driving down the same street for too long, pulls into a humble PC Richards to ask for directions.  Two women in there inform her:
“Honey, you are far…. that’s at least a good half hour a way!”
“Yeah, you’re going to make a right and take this road, and it’s going to feel like it goes on forever and that you’re never going to make it back to civilization!  But don’t worry, eventually you’ll see people again.”

Samantha slowly trudges out of the store and bursts into tears.  She opens the door to her car, only to find a loathsome bumblebee crawling around on her seat.  It probably flew in from the open windows.

Samantha sobs harder.

10:50- But our heroine is as brave as she is beautiful.  She soon rallies, and turning the car around, she determines to find the elusive Dr. Fleischman or die trying.

10:52- Samantha contemplates naming the bumblebee.  Others before her, in the throes of such unbearable mishaps as she now faces, have made pets of such loathsome creatures as mice and rats.  But bumblebees, faugh!

10:53- Samantha decides against naming the bumblebee.

10:55- Suddenly a ringing of Samantha’s cell phone gives her fresh hope.  It is the dentist’s noble secretary, calling to find out where she is!

Noble Secretary: Are you coming?
The Beautiful and Unfortunate Samantha: I’m trying.  I’m just a little… completely and utterly lost. sobbing
NS: Ok… well, do you think you can make it here by 11:30?
TBAUS: “I hope so… it would help if I knew where I was going.”
NS puts the dentist on to help TBAUS out, and TBAUS starts explaining where she thinks she is.
The Elusive and Remote Dr. Fleischman: “Wait, where are you?  I can’t even find this on the map!”
If she knew where she was, she wouldn’t be lost.
TBAUS:  Ok, (deep breath) I’m on Rock Hall Road, heading North, I think.  I think I went too far East.”
TEARDF: “Oh, I found you!  Whoa… how on earth did you get way out there?!  Why, you’re a good half hour away!”
Tell me about it!

11:20- Hot and miserable, Samantha finally makes it to the dentist’s office. Worn out, but victorious, our heroine collapses into the chair and opens her mouth.

11:50- The bumblebee dies of heat stroke.  Perhaps there is some justness in the world after all.
dead bumblebee

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